Slowly but surely I realize what I've lost,
With your cold shoulder and minimal shared thoughts.

I regret causing you the worst possible pain,
Irredeemable am I? So stained?

I failed to play the perfect individual,
You don't see Salome, this repentance isn't fictional.

I know you're drifting away from me,
And I know I deserve to be this amputee.

But know that it hurts so much,
But not in a crippling manner where my chest I crutch.

Just the feeling of loss and failure,
And an accusation of being an adulterer.

In a time where I was building myself,
I made my faults but I refused to accept them.

If you ever showed up before me and said the word 'repent’,
I'd cry into your palms, touch your feet and say “my sorry to convince I'll go to any extent.”

I realize it's been a long while since,
I don't intend for you to forget your wince.

What I did to you was horrible, what I said even worse,
I'll never know how you bore it, to this day, I know you curse.

It's been a long while and I've circulated enough,
These deprecating thoughts weigh my heart and stomach too much.

I think of you often and type my thoughts,
Hoping to someday be a man deserving of yours.

Until that day I'm done repenting,
I'm going to grow independent of you with God alone helping.

If you ever meet me and tell me you still love me,
That'll be a day of liberation the final nail on the coffin of my infidelity.

Until that day I will strive to understand,
The ways of my heart and the ways of my land.

But, if you bestow upon me something I don't deserve,
I will reject it and flee from you before you can say a word.

This started as a confession but I want to end on a note,
Saying thank you for showing me what a loving relation’ship’ is even if all I provided you was just a boat.